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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in blinky's LiveJournal:

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Saturday, July 25th, 2009
4:24 pm
Another Post and back in Denton nearly 4 years later
I graduated in Sep 2005 and it is not July 2009. I still have the same job from my previous posts and have been actively looking to move around for the past couple of years. I recently has a UK internal position lined up until they suddenly went through a re-org and are not hiring currently. Next on the possibility list is Greece for international.

Irving can be as empty as Denton, but has some great finds if you look hard enough. Although, recently, most of them have dissolved into the current economic slump goo.

Ciao for now.

Saturday, May 20th, 2006
3:09 am
sweet little nothings
Saturday, December 3rd, 2005
4:51 pm
New found freetime
Without 7-11 on the weekends and studying/class at night, i actually have some of this supposed free time. Yay, I know enjoy it while I can. I have been reading...currently Voltaire, just finished Candide...not bad. An epic journey about reaching a goal at all costs with all kinds of hangups and seeing that goal has changed and not what it once was. Kinda like....College degrees. You hear hype about jobs in your field...you work your but off, pass up decent opportunities for future greater ones, graduate, then realize that you are a dime a dozen. This did not happen for me, but to a friend of mine. She got a MBA, and can't find a decent job at all. She could be making more managing a 7-11 or something.

I bought some video games to help pass time. SIMS, FF X-2, Tomy Hawk underground. The SIMS is hard as hell. It is like that is just not enough time in the day to do all the crap you need to. A video game about everyday life that realistic....seriously, not fun. Although, it may be my life skills aren't good enough to have even a virtual life. I do not know what would be sadder, having a character that is better off than you, or having a deadbeat character you just can't do anything with, yet spend time playing. I think that journey is over for now. The FF is ok, but a bit too pop-musical-zany for my taste. The Tony Hawk, all out do whatever you want fun. It is great!! I also played Destroy All Humans...not bad, but too many restrictions to have absolute mayhem. Perhaps a few cheat codes will solve that problem. I can't wait until I can get a D&D group together. That is unimpeded imagination at work. I thought about even finding a cheap copy of GIS and programming a virtual interactive map. It would have lists of monsters in the area by probability and choose some for you accordingly, and their treasures. All the DM would have to do is input peoples stats into another program, click on the map, until he is happy with the outcome, then have the characters play.

I have also been watching movies lately. Serendipity, such a good movie. Someone Like You...good, kinda like a What Men Want spin on What Women Want. Paris When it Sizzles (Hepburn)...basically the underlying story of Alex and Emma, but different enough not to be complete copying. Mystery Men..yay Jeanine Garofalo (sp??). Some Mr. Bean . And so far this weekend 20 hours of Get Smart episodes!!!! Would you believe 10??? Ok..how about 4?
And loving it!!!

I have been trying to hit the gym at least 2 days a week...become buff and stuff heh..heh heh..hahahahahahahahahahaha....yeah.

Work has been pleasant. I have finally completed something on my own, and contributing something to my team...after 2 months of learning and introductions, and menial tasks and stuff. I keep several teas at work...Jasmine, Green, Earl Grey, Darjeeling...for 3:00 tea, usually with either fruit and cheese, or some crazy Asian snack I pick up from Chinatown. Most recent...Mung Bean cakes...so good. I think that there is a Pearl Tea place a few miles down,,,need to check it out sometime. Tried a couple Irving Chinese restaurants...nothing hits the spot yet. With I had Lorelai here to keep me on top of these most important of take out/ delivery issues. I mean, I usually had at least 2 delivery numbers memorized back in the day, and ate Chinese at least 5 times a week...what have I withered into these days?!?!?!?!?!

Enough rambling for now!!!

Wednesday, November 16th, 2005
7:50 pm
gurgle...gurgle....POOF!!!! A cloud of smoke permeates through the crack of my half-smile lips, swirling upward and outward. My frame, lying leisurely upon a chair of someones creativity (laughing at the stuck up imposters at pottery barn), mirrors the image of my mental mud. All the days adventures and/or problems are , well...Poof gone.

In Denton, I was introduced to Bagheri's Italian restaurant and Hookah bar and was sad when I moved an hour away. Yet, as fate would have it, a hookah bar must have sprouted from the sad trail of smoke I had attached to me, my last day as a Dentonite. This light, warm & fuzzy, ever-evolving cloud must have planted itself into my new town and this delicate flower (although most city officials probably see it as another weed) transformed this concrete jungle into a somewhat inhabitable place.

I live close to work now...very nice. I watched part of Eternal Sunshine.... while eating lunch. It is so nice. I swear, this is just like grad school was, only I get mad-fat paychecks haha. If that were true, I would perhaps have a home net connection and not be usurping the spoils of, how sad when compared to the venerable Denton coffee houses which permeate atmosphere, Starbucks. Sunshine is a bittersweet movie for me as it a movie that most broken hearted fools have wrote various screenplays for. Add this cinematic selection to what I watched the other night, Amelie, then the reason of woe does become obvious. There is magic in the wierd and dreamy.

Oooh Oooh...today at work, me and Chicagogirl (works for the same company as me, but in Chicago) e-mail many, many times...and I was reminded of Emerald Nuts! I love those commercials, they are sweeeeet! So, for about 15 e-mails, I signed off as different E_____ N_____ characters. I was:
Exquisite Nymph
Enigmatic Narcissus
Exasperated Necromancer
Economic Naysayer
Eccentric Neighbor
Empathetic Nightwatchman
and so on

hey!!! I was proud, and a bit bored

They have the TV ads on their website worth checking out, maybe

Eh bien, je suis desolee, mais j'ai besoin devenir


Saturday, November 5th, 2005
8:05 pm
Crackin' Toast Gromit

It is appropriate that I resume my posting post-viewing of one of the staples of my own personal renaissance. Cheese, crackers, tea...it is but one facet of my leisure time that I thoroughly look forward to, especially with a W&G upon the tele.

I reside in Las Colinas now, just a few minutes drive from my corporate provider. Ah, but how they provide, in more ways than they realize to me. I can listen to music while slopping together a bit of SAS code, which is very nice. I have been monopolizing the time with Women's Alternative...nothing like Alanis and Sheryl Crow to get the nerves relaxed. Recently I discovered a techno station, Ibiza. That really gets me looking goofy in my cubicle. Yes, cubicle, hehe visions of Office Space continually keep a smile on my face.

I do not know about this whole Irving place. It has everything that you need, but so far not much of what you want. Coming from Denton is a big void to fill. Denton can be the lamest city or the best depending on your outlook and company. There is a Hookah bar Italian restuarant, 4-5 coffee houses, many independent shops that have nifty stuff. And many restaurants, although a bit pricy, usually have a stream of Sinatra pouring through the speakers.

So, I start to create my new home and professional career with a hopeful smile. Here's to a brave new world!!!

Speaking of, I just finished The Fountainhead...it is rather enjoyable, and shows that Ayn Rand really put a lot of thought into the characters. They appear so complete, it would be hard to write something like that by the seat of your pants, remaining consistent to so strong of a conviction in so many characters must get confusing.

Now I am reading Galapagos, by Vonnegut. It is also interresting, but in a shallower degree. His techniques are usually worth the time devoted to his novels. So far, Cat's Cradle is my favorite!!

Well, signing off,

Friday, September 2nd, 2005
2:26 pm
It's all coming together
Ah yes, the sands have finally run out of the damnable hourglass that marked my time at 7-11 with a malicious smirk. These past 5 years of being sustained by something so oppressive and depressing to the soul have taken their toll, but as of my last day, the weight has been lifted and another tome in the Chronicles of Blinky has been started. Marriage over, school over, 7-11 over...time to start fresh and recreate something which is as light as a feather and leaves goosebumps like waking up with that special someone after an unplanned midafternoon nap and they are still sleeping gently, and you just lie there enjoying the euphoria and wanting nothing more than to watch their beautiful, innocent expresssions that pass across their face during their slumber without disturbing them.

So it goes, starting afresh with a job actually in by field. An apartment to build on my own and finances to make it a more hospitable environment.

This week of vacation between jobs has been great. I have been swing dancing, playing tennis, scrabble in coffeehouses, reading fun books, taking my new German roommate shopping, planning a party, playing guitar in the wee hours of the night on my front porch, watching adult swim, and just enjoying Denton while I am still around... I will miss this place, it has some very nifty shops, restaurants, coffee houses, and personalities.

Yay update!!

Sunday, July 24th, 2005
4:43 pm
Interviews Ahoy
Yay job interviews

Let the mad fat cash start rolling in!!

Wednesday, July 6th, 2005
7:19 pm
No Direction and out of Alcohol...BLAST!!!

I think that there is a new depression afoot. Post graduation! I feel so wierd, useless, free, tied down, energized, sleepy, ready to take over the world...if i can get the time off at 7-11!

Not married anymore, not studying anymore, no concrete longterm goals besides getting some proverbial job and paying off a bit o' credit card crap I have. What is nice is that I can do this little goal anywhere, but could also do it without a degree...of course which would mean no debt in the first place.

Thinking I should move to Beaumont or Longview to be with and help family and stuff. Kinda enjoying hanging around Denton doing not much at all. Peaked with interest about perhaps working in Boston, Chicago, Oregon, or California.

I have a 3 pronged plan of course...as I always do! I am taking s'leven courses (yep they have them) trying to work up to a regional manager. At the same time, keeping an eye on the corporate headquarters here in Dallas that has positions for my degree. And flooding the net with my resume.

I can always go teach English in Asia...probably Taiwan since I have been there. Just need a bachelor's degree and be fluent in English. I might have enough French to pull that off too. As fun as that sounds at first, I do not think it is where I need to be. I had fun, but had enough I think. I am probably more of a European kinda bloke. French cafes are my thing. I could be happy just drinking coffee all day at one. Making astute observations about art or politics... that I have overheard. New Orleans was fun, but also commercial and not enough French being thrown around. Perhaps I need to do Quebec.

I saw an ad for a McDonalds game and it said good in the US and Canada, but not Quebec...I thought that was strange. I wonder why, if anyone knows, let me know.

Coffee Girl

I have a new coffee girl now. Coffee Girl is a girl that I hang out with and have coffee with at a local coffeehouse about once a week as time permits. It is fun, yet quite unbonding at the same time. The first was a girl in my Econ program that kicks ass in everything. She was fun and we would talk about her job crap, school crap, and random stuff. Well, she moved out of town, has earlier hours, and now has a boy she lives with.

Soon after this happened, I started to get coffee with this girl that graduated and has been looking for a job amongst all her other activities. She is a friend of a friend...but is more a friend than the other now. So we have coffee, she does Chai Lattes and I'll usually stick to the regular stuff. It is just interesting to have someone for an activity but not be super goober friends. Perhaps I have missed out on this type of relationship...to busy getting married I guess :)

It is not like we do much else together, just get coffee, just the two of us and talk about stuff. Then we depart till the next time one of us makes a call and has mutual time.

Home and School

My house is rather hot but I have a good AC in my room. I get stir crazy there and don't have internet. So I go to school where there is internet, but not stuff from home that i want to work on perhaps. So I find myself always wishing to be elsewhere, especially at s'leven.


Oregon appears to be calling me. I do not know why. I went there a couple of years ago looking at a school and fell in love with the place. I must be a little geographer at heart. I stopped often looking for cool rocks and quartz. Their metamorphic rocks are much more interresting then TX sandstone. Ocean, Mountain, raging rivers, coffee everywhere, c'est magnifique.

a bientot mes amis,

Saturday, June 11th, 2005
9:44 am
international Blinky

I am in an internet cafe in Taiwan, eating spaghetti, and listening to Sinatra on the internet radio...c'est la vie!!!! Now listening to Alanis!

Thursday, June 9th, 2005
8:36 pm
How sad...it said to check spelling

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Monday, June 6th, 2005
7:38 pm
Looking for my Lorelai
3.01 - Those Lazy-Hazy-Crazy Days
written by Amy Sherman-Palladino
directed by Amy Sherman-Palladino
transcript by Stacy


[Lorelai is asleep in bed when her alarm goes off. She shuts it off, and a second later, several others start going off around her bedroom.]

LORELAI: You are hilarious!

[She gets up and walks down to the kitchen, where Luke is at the stove making breakfast]

LORELAI: Okay, see, last night, when I said to you, tomorrow, no matter what, make sure I get up at seven,what I actually meant was, tomorrow, no matter what, make sure I have the option of getting up at seven in case when seven comes, I actually wanna get up,which as it happened I didn't. Therefore, you're currently responsible for the great alarm clock slaughter of 2002.

[She pulls a container of coffee out of the freezer]

LUKE: No survivors?

LORELAI: The one shaped like a bunny escaped with a mild decapitation. [smells the coffee] This is decaf.

LUKE: What are you talking about?

LORELAI: You switched my coffee again.

[Lorelai searches the kitchen for the regular coffee]

LUKE: I'm a busy man. I don't have time to sneak around switching your coffee. I have a diner to run, I have shipments to order, I have things to flip and fry. Will you stop that?

[Lorelai finds the bag of regular coffee under the sink]

LORELAI: Ha, haha, hahaha! Under the sink, very clever, but not clever enough bucko.

LUKE: Okay, fine, you know what? I give up.

LORELAI: Woo hoo!

LUKE: Go one day without coffee.

LORELAI: That's not giving up.

LUKE: I'll put a toy in your cereal.


LUKE: [hands her a plate of food] Fine, here, you win.

LORELAI: Thank you.

LUKE: You're welcome. Now you're up, you're fed, I'm leaving.

LORELAI: Oh, hey, we need q-tips.

LUKE: I'll alert the media.

LORELAI: See, that's better with the accent.

LUKE: The reference is enough, you'll learn that one day. I'll be home early, anything besides the q-tips?

LORELAI: Um, cotton balls, world peace, Connie Chung's original face back.

[Luke kisses her]

LUKE: Goodbye crazy lady. [to Lorelai's stomach] Goodbye Sid and Nancy.

LORELAI: Leopold and Loeb.

LUKE: What?

LORELAI: I changed my mind, don't tell Rory.

LUKE: Decaf.


LUKE: They'll both have two heads.

LORELAI: More to love.

[They kiss again and Luke walks out the back door]
3:46 pm
Taiwan Interlude
Well, I am nearly 3 weeks into my month long Taiwan culture immersification. I had one hell of a night last night and decided to post about it here also.

A day full of lazy lounging and watching TV without english...it is ok...majoring in math has made me comfortable not understanding what in the hell is going on.

At 6, an uncle picked Tristan and me up and brought us to a friend's 50th birthday party. There were many dishes served that included the standard fare of Taiwan. Sashimi, lobster, hot/sour shrimp soup, some slimy sea creature, broiled whole fish...Tristan at an eyeball, and plenty of alcohol and beer.

Taiwan has it's self-named beer: Taiwan Beer! It is really pretty good. They also had some 48% alcohol (96proof) which did not burn at all. People were wandering all around this little restaurant and drinking toasts with eachother. It is rude to decline a toast so I got SMASHED. I had 6 shots of the licquor, 2 normal beers, and the coup de grace...chugged 2 0.6L Taiwan Beers. It is something of an honor to do this with someone with the older generation. I did one with the a friend of the family that helped us through the airport (special service...no waiting in line). Right afterward...the cue came up for the song I was to sing on the KTV (karaoke TV) machine. Yesterday by the Beatles. Crazy White Guy!!! It was so crazy. The b-day guy's sons coordinated things so didn't drink and the wives go pretty much just to drive the drunk-ass husbands home. I think that after the 2 chuggers without puking, I have gained "face" with his uncle.

To Drunken Taiwan Karaoke- Kick Ass

Beatles - Yesterday Lyrics

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away
Now it looks as though they're here to stay
Oh, I believe in yesterday.

Suddenly, I'm not half to man I used to be,
There's a shadow hanging over me.
Oh, yesterday came suddenly.

Why she had to go I don't know she woldn't say.
I said something wrong, now I long for yesterday.

Yesterday, love was such an easy game to play.
Now I need a place to hide away.
Oh, I believe in yesterday.

This was my first wife's and my song. Kind of ironic looking back on it. When we first met, it was her favorite song and she made me memorize it so that we could sing it together as we drove on our adventures that summer before senior year of highschool in her little blue Plymouth Horizon

She had made a tape of some of her favorite songs, many were new to me. I still have it and it is fairly awesome...missing a tape player in my car. It had If I Were a Rich Man, Yesterday, Penny Lane, Me and Bobbie McGhee (Joplin), Soldier Boy, some Joan Baez? French song, and many others. It is one of 2 things I have left from her. Wife 2 made me throw away all pictures and everything else. I didn't budge on a quilt that her mom made when she was a baby. It is a magical blanket... very soft and trippy fabrics are used...chiffon I think. The only repetition is in the 4 or 5 box patterns. I have been looking for similar material to make myself another. She called a few months after our divorce and wanted it back, but i just couldn't part with it. It became a piece of me and the perfect token of our relationship. She has been diagnosed as bipolar and is not the same as before...there was something in her eyes that was new and scary when I went to CA to meet up with her. I knew that something was dreadfully different and that my angel was not in that body anymore. So I am not still in love with 'her' per-se but there is a tall pedestal that her memory rests upon and even for me to date a person usually requires some sort of comparison. All people and relationships are different, but happiness is universal. If a relationship does not make you feel more free, then what is the point. Someone that can make you forget all your adult problems and wraps you in their eyes and makes you just want to cuddle and watch Wallace & Gromit with tea and animal crackers or color some HUGE paged coloring book.

Taiwan is fun and I have a greater appreciation for some of the US amenities and customs, but I will always yearn for some of Taiwan to be in the US. I think that most of the things I want violate US health codes though hehe such as street vendors with their food all out in the open and pearl milk tea stands.

For the full Taiwan trip chronicles...see taiwanblinky

Saturday, May 21st, 2005
10:01 am
Taiwan trip

I have separate journal for trip.


check it out!!

Wednesday, May 18th, 2005
12:32 pm
In Taiwan...the Journey begins
Ni hao ma?

I finally made it here. We went from Longview, TX to Dallas, TX to Tokyo to Taipei to Kaohsiung. The total trip took around 24 hours...including several 2-3 hour layovers.

In Tokyo restroom...there was a "Andre the Giant has a possee" sticker. Other versions of this sticker can be found around Denton. I thought it was funny. Tokyo looks just like DFW around airport. There were subdivisions and rolling hills of pine trees. I was about to be angry...it was like we circled DFW airport for 13 hours, just long enough for them to redecorate DFW, hehe.

Kaohsiung is like downtown Houston, but everywhere. There are markets and eateries abound. I am going shrimping later today. The shrimp here are apparently huge and can be caught with little hooks and liver bait. It will be interresting. I am staying with Tristan from Longview and his grandmother who does not speak a bit of English. She also does not have any forks so everything is eaten with chopsticks. So far, I have eaten iced lentil soup for night snack and fried dumplings for breakfast...I just eat nearly whatever they give me. I am not too fond of tripe...

Apparently, toilet paper does not get flushed down toilets. I guess since it is an island and their sewers are not adapted for a lot of paper. Tristan says that even in US, Taiwanese do not flush toilet paper, perhaps because they were not told they could. They put it in trashcan in stall. It is very hot and humid here. It is similar to Houston in summer but feels even more humid if imaginable.

There is AC in apartment where I stay so nights are not too bad.

There are 7-11 and other convenience stores on every corner. It is very cool. Although, bags cost money, around 10 cents US. The clerks wear the green smocks with vertical stripe of 7-11 colors on one side. It is old school...I may try to buy one.

Well, that is all for now. Will update soon.

Monday, May 9th, 2005
10:01 pm
An epic journey almost over...

The past few weeks have been so insane. The sands of time have passed many times from top to bottom as I have been diligently tackling paper after paper with pieces of research work and some 7-11 time. Just finished the menacing introduction to panel data paper and a heavy weight has been lifted...breathing is again easy and am just waiting to finish a couple of little finals and prepare for graduation before I fly off to Taiwan for a month.

The couch in our graduate center is a bit too comfortable to catch naps on after all-nighters, there just seems to be something wrong with that...being comfortable in grad school. We have it really nice here, fridge/freezer, microwave, couch, recliner, computers, I have basically lived up here the past few weeks and it has been better than home.

Looking forward to having nothing I have to do for a month in a country where I will not have any idea about what people are talking about, except in broken english. It will be so great...just nodding yes and no, not worrying about anything, touring the country, probably crashing at a couple hostels in Taipei when not in Kao Hsiung at the grandmother's house. The sketch supplies and camera will be the only teller of time that I need.

I am so exhausted, I really do not have anything to rant about for pages.

Wednesday, April 27th, 2005
2:45 am
I am such a 'boner
You scored as trombone. Trombone.
This just means you dont fit anywhere else.












French Horn












String Bass




If you were in an orchestra, what instrument would match your personality?
created with QuizFarm.com
Monday, April 18th, 2005
9:51 pm
Chasing the wind
It started with lunch...

I sat down with a couple of sandwiches and a glass of milk and plopped down in front of the TV. As I masticated the bread and PB&J, the tube was glowing with a familiar movie: Sweet November. After I finished the sandwiches, I usually turn off the TV and head up to school to do some work, but I got caught up in the movie...and laid out on the couch with a soft purple chiffon throw (not one of my most masculine of moments on hindsight, but damn it, that is not the topic of this post).

So, guy falls for free-spirit girl that saves him from mundane life. He falls for her and she for him against all her rules. She opens up his world, takes the point in 2-D and extends his space to 3-D. Sure, he feels more free and full of the wonders of enlightenment, but he is still a point. She was a line in 3-D that happened to intersect that point on his plane. He is given new perspective and has the love of his life, but what does he give back to her? It is a purely take relationship and she doesn't get much in return. Sure, she gets undying love, but being on the 2-D plane for a while is a bit boring. Perhaps she can stretch him into a line (infinite points), but I am not sure that happens often.

A similar movie is Eternal Sunshine on the Spotless Mind. Guy falls for free spirit, but he is more of a hindrance to girl and kills the essence of the girl that he fell for. They eat at the same restaurant and wear out the memories that came from it. He tries to keep her in his structured world.

Both of these guys tried to bottle the breeze that lifted their spirits. Here, jump into this container and be contained and let me keep you with me, opening it every once in a while hoping to have you jump out a bit and revive that feeling for me. Yet, the breeze is only moving air. In the bottle, it ceases to move noticeably, although I am sure that the dizzy electrons will beg to differ. I wonder if there is anyone who can sense the air displacement of these little guys whirling around their positively charged nuclei. Perhaps that is part of the attraction, no pun intended, to free spirits by those heavy with the force of the world. They just want to be a part of the random(?), dizzying mess of particles without having to do too much to keep them around.

I had a line intersect me once, and I am now a member of the third dimension. I think that perhaps I started out in the first-dimension. I was a mere point with only the left and right to look out to. Both ways gave an infinite view, but I knew that there was more out there. I then found pieces and hints and created such a perspective to join 2-D. I spent so much time learning from her and little time helping her expand, although I wanted to be as much to her as she was to me. I knew I was not ready to keep her interested, but she stuck around, for a while anyway. I just needed time to glimpse into that 3-D world and I was in the process of converting into a line. I do not feel that I have completely perceived 3-D and that I am more of a ray than a line.

This ray intersected another point who expected a line. I disappointed her when she found out and I could not bring her into 3-D, for I was not there myself. I did not advertise myself as a line but she probably just did a one side limit on the infinite side and definitely didn't check her second order conditions. Perhaps there is room in my model for curvature, such as a quadratic or cubic. Extending to planes in space, perhaps a nicely dimpled surface with many fun little hills to roll down, but watch out for those bi-polar saddle points! And be careful for 1/(xy), they seem normal and fairly stable, but they are rotten at the core.

I know that I am looking to capture a breeze and that many breezes are more unstable than not. Was Sweet girl only so in love with life due to her impending death, Eternal girl also seemed to have some issues that precluded her from a standard life. There are some women that come into your life that cause irrational behavior and you know they are bad for you, yet you have no control over yourself and must be with them like a bug to a zapper. You will get frazzled often, and dropped on your head, and you know it, but....well, that is all that there is to it. Everything expected happens and you don't really kick yourself b/c you knew all along so it was an experience that you and perhaps a few of your sluffed friends are privy to.

I am getting time soon to explore a part of the world new to me and to actually spend my time the way I feel that I need to. Read books that i have wanted to for a long time, take music lessons, drink coffee in a park doing sketches or painting, decorating a place of my own with money to decorate it with in a nice open style. I will forever be chasing the wind, but hopefully I will transform into some fun manifold in 5-space so I can offer as much as I take to this very special person. Someone who can laugh at my mathematical metaphors and silly similes and alluring alliteration and constant consonance. Someone who will ask if I want a chocolate covered torus, or if I would prefer a Kipling Just So story or another chapter from a Maupassant in French for our nightly cuddle and read before practicing an exercise from the K_S later that night. Even if I do not find her, I will have myself and be that eccentric old man walking down the sidewalk with a twinkle in my eye, swinging a cane, and topped with a fedora.

Here's to spending a month in Paris eventually, writing in cafes, painting along the Seine, reading Balzac in the park overlooked by the Eiffel, visiting the tree that was painted by Mulligan with La Vie en Rose being seduced out of an accordion, and other delights. Here's to cooking spaghetti and meatballs served upon a checkered tablecloth with a wine bottle candle holder and O Sole Mio dancing upon the walls of the kitchen from the recordplayer. Here's to Matzo ball soup on Passover watching Fiddler on the Roof although not Jewish. Here's to confusing my nieces and nephews with little red envelopes filled with money for Chinese New Years. Here's to attempting to make creme brulee and cracking it with Amelie. Here's to the future, to life eternal through many lifetimes as opposed to one life suffering from severely diminishing marginal returns.

Thursday, April 14th, 2005
8:25 pm

About to go and take over the world...tea will be served, BYO animal crackers


You are DNA. You're a smart person, and you appear
incredibly complex to people who don't know
you. You're incomparably full of information,
and most of it is useless.

Which Biological Molecule Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Wednesday, April 13th, 2005
7:51 pm
Random effects and Random Effects
Yay grad school

My biggest qualm with panel data has been choosing the technique. From Wooldridge et others, there is not much going to it, yet most of the professors here romanticize the process. One of my profs got into a tete a tete last period. We were sharing viewpoints and he was speaking theoretically and I was pulling the mathematical card. We did the back and forth for like an hour...everyone else just watching on, at least I was taking up class time. It was one of the best class periods I have ever had. Most times, profs cut off questions due to time constraints. I want a class that doesn't have a set syllabus. There could be a suggested lineup of topics, but as the sirens of methodology and muses of creativity beckon us off the beaten path, then we should be able to take this journey. Yeah, hacking away at the panel data paper still, hoping to get something that is not all wrong.

With a RA project, trying to use MLE on a system of correlated equations, the path feels like an iterative process in itself. Take a step...AAAAHHHHHHH, step back, step back. Whew...ok lets try this location....everything seems better...whew. Another step...AAAAHHHHHHHH, retreat!!!! I feel like I am in the CUBE (from the trilogy...friggin yeah, I didn't know there was a third until I saw it with another nerdy math friend.) MLE is kind of like being a human land mind tester. NON...DIFF...ERENT....IABLE...AAAAAAHHHHH!!!

In the class with the panel treatment, the prof made a mistake with his notes. He stopped thing for a bit and started doing little calculations on the board to make sure that the results didn't change too much. He said, "Don't look at me [while I work through this]". At such point a camera was pulled out of a bag and his picture was taken. He nearly died laughing...or at least trying to suppress it...at least that is what I hope the red face was for and he just continued as normal. What a great class. Inspires me to be a rogue professor...but another four years of this stuff...I don't know. I would like it because I think I learned more about what I do not know than what I actually learned, and it would give me a chance to really get into this panel data thing and not have this whole year as a waste of time.

I did some sketching while doing laundry...something fun for the anonymous poster if they are still perusing through my entries...and it was interesting. It was the lower half of a girl in a dress pulling a little wagon with a stuffed bear hanging over the side, seemingly enjoying the ride. She was standing still, as is from walking, but with legs together, like coming across something. For some reason, I wanted to draw a dead body on the ground, with blood pooling around it. Perhaps a man in a suit, face down, lifeless as most suckers in suits. I do not know why I wanted to draw this. Could it be that it was my youth coming across the death of my maturity, coming up to it, not shocked but rather innocently uninterested. Perhaps the girl will roll past the body; the bear may even give a nod as the wagon bobbles over the pavement. On goes my youthful traveler, wheeling her wagon on by as Sissy Hankshaw would hitchhike on by. There was life, just blocking the travels of the uncorrupted.

Perhaps I just saw a similar picture somewhere else and in my lack of originality, I tried to mock the motions by not "remembering" where this image came from. I am creative in problem solving and cunning with my double-edged sword of pun, but when it comes to art, music, or even decorating, I have not been fallen into my own. I have tried the clarinet, guitar, drawing, painting, writing, and many other forms of expression with which I have not had any formal training hoping to create something from nothing. A form or mannerism that can grow from my own soul. If there is something I like, I try it in combinations and even permutations with other techniques trying to create something of my very own. I sometimes play my guitar on my front porch late at night, strumming different patterns of the 16 chords I know ( some I just know they are chords and not their formal name...like Phoebe) and hope that some pattern will come and from some pattern some words will simply fall. Sometimes I just stare at paneling and find pictures within the swirls, but these images never remain very long...I can stare at it but I seem to lose the image I see. It is like the pattern is living and the swirling is so slow that it is unnoticeable to the human eye...much like the movements of objects such as a can of beans, silver spoon, and dirty sock. Perhaps neighbor Carl is wiser then he lets on with the noticing of the movements of a virtual unhappy meal. My sketches are usually only of objects that I have seen or am looking at. Original pieces are beyond the information passed between my synapses at the moment. I wanted to create a sort of "midnight society" on campus. Several artists painting, sketching, playing music, and reading poems all by the light of the moon. Perhaps I will only end up being a patron of the arts. Those who can do, those who can't either get over it or live vicariously. Perhaps i will be a funder of some Parisian street painter, and fall in love with her (the idea and not person). Although, perhaps I like math because one is kind of creative when doing proofs. Sure, you usually know where you are going and you have some of the tools down, but coming up with one on your own, piecing bits of logic together has its own artistic flair.

Or perhaps my desire to add that bit of atrocious adjective came from merely reading too many of a certain Twilek's postings. She is so well versed and shows what can come from not having to worry too much about the future. She has some awesome therapist session dialogs. She is a true Goth,...most of you others have just been Goth_served by her mere existence.

Either way, I didn't, at least not yet. For some reason it feels like it is also missing a red balloon, perhaps a mega-deuce will appear in the background in just the right light. Do you think that they come standard with GPS units, I mean at that size, you can see everything at a distance, but nothing of what you may be stepping on.

Yay, more geography jargon. It feels that I have the greatest chance in getting a job with the subject I know the least about. Intro Geog, Intro Geol, and 2 GIS courses...not much, but with the math and econ background, unstoppable. I have this desire to lean towards spatial analysis, and possibly doing spatial panel data analysis. How crazy would that be...3-way fixed effects models. Getting excited, what a nerd. Still reading this...you must be a bigger nerd or actually someone with even less to do than me...you don't come to work or shop, just walk around all day like you own the place. Snoogans

detritus \dih-TRY-tuhs\, noun;
plural detritus:
1. Loose material that is worn away from rocks.
2. Hence, any fragments separated from the body to which they belonged; any product of disintegration; debris.

Well, perhaps it is time that I end this posting. I will sift through the detritus around Bokonon, and find something to help me taunt G-d (not Jewish, but interesting concept, can't write the sound of his ENGLISH name but can replace a letter with a symbol, which if generally understood becomes another name for the same thing, and hence breaks the initial rule with which they are trying to avoid, kinda like no cheeseburgers, but chicken-omelets are fine, oh well, I friggin love matzo ball soup...especially with rice noodles and oyster sauce...a regular pho-pas I reckon) for the rest of time to make up for all of his tauntings.
Saturday, April 9th, 2005
7:54 pm
historical benchmark

For a more historical introduction into one of my lifetimes...it is easier for immortals to classify related groupings of years into lifetimes, as many mortals classify their lives by rotations around the sun ...check out my memory with 'love'.

supervene \soo-pur-VEEN\, intransitive verb:
1. To take place or occur as something additional, extraneous, or unexpected (sometimes followed by 'on' or 'upon').
2. To follow immediately after; to ensue.

Sort of an odd word. Part of the -vene group.

CAB C prevenes AB
ACB C intervenes AB
ABC C supervenes AB

Not particularly nifty enough to enter into my cache of jargon.

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